Joyful Girl

Joyful Girl By Ani DiFranco

i do it for the joy it brings

because i'm a joyful girl

because the world owes me nothing

and we owe each other the world

i do it because it's the least i can do

i do it because i learned it from you

and i do it just because i want to

because i want to

everything i do is judged

and they mostly get it wrong

but oh well'cuz the bathroom mirror has not budged

and the woman who lives there

can tell the truth from the stuff that they say

and she looks me in the eye and says

would you prefer the easy way

no, well o.k. then don't cry

i wonder if everything i do

i do instead of something i want to do more

the question fills my head

i know there's no grand plan here

this is just the way it goes

when everything else seems unclear

i guess at least i know

i do it for the joy it brings

because i'm a joyful girl

because the world owes me nothing

and we owe each other the world

i do it because it's the least i can do

i do it because i learned it from you

and i do it just because i want to

because i want to

Between work, studying for LSATS, problems at home and the general chaos that occurs in the ending of things, I realize I have not been taking care of myself properly. I've made myself so sick, in fact, that I landed myself in the emergency room of Jewish Hospital this past week.

Have I learned anything from this experience? Yes I have. All my life, I have taken on other people's problems and made them my own cross to bear. I am the one suffering for it in the long run. I get disappointed, mostly with myself , when people I care about (and who I believe care about me) fail to live up to my expectations. I am beginning to understand that I soak up the good and the bad equally, like a sponge. I need to be able to filter what is and isn't important. I have always been sensitive, and this has been looked upon by others as a fault or a weakness. Maybe these people are right.

Then again, maybe they don't deserve to know anything real about me. I have shared so much of my life in the hopes of being able to meet somewhere in the middle, yet more often than not, I am standing in the middle of nowhere with not a soul in sight. I want so much to say that I'm going to stop trying to search for that elusive meeting place, but I would be lying to myself. I think that one of the most beautiful parts of me is that I am not afraid to care. I want to always be able to state for the record that I did everything I could do. If things don't go the way I hoped they would, I am going to try to accept this fact with a nod of my head. Time to move on. May the book of my heart always be open on the table for those who genuinely want to know me.

I won't forget the experiences that I have had here in Cincinnati. I have some wonderful moments to cherish, as well as hard lessons to learn and grow from. I don't want to think that being sensitive is a weakness, but rather a strength not many possess nor appreciate. A blessing and a curse. A tear and a smile. I couldn't have done the work that I do without truly caring about the lives of the women I have come in contact with. I thank God for it. Would I have done so last week? Probably not. I was in a different place then. It's amazing how just a week of experiences can profoundly impact one's outlook on life. I have been rewarded with a wonderful project and I will fondly remember the people at Talbert House/women I have mentored for the rest of my life. In saying goodbye to the women's collaborative at our last workgroup meeting today, I hope that they realized how much they have helped me to become a joyful girl in the work that I do. The world owes me nothing, but we owe each other the world. I do it because it's the least I can do, and because I learned it from my mother. Most of all, I do it just because I want to.

Washington, D.C. is waiting for me to come back, and I am ready for it. Next week when I leave this city, I hope it is a bright and beautiful autumn day. Can you imagine it?: A sky like glistening sapphires. No clouds to be seen. Well...if there must be clouds, I hope they are the soft and fluffy kind. The ones you feel like you can curl up and read a good book on. A gentle breeze to ruffle my hair. Leaves that will loosen their hold on tree limbs to dance in the wind just for me. A cup of coffee in one hand and the other waving goodbye. I want to say farewell in style. Getting on the interstate, I know that I will turn my head around, maybe even lean out of the window, for one last glimpse of the softly fading city. Yes, that's me. I've always had a fondness for last glimpses.

Your friend always,

Katie