You're Not Home Yet

A missionary who had served overseas for 40 years was forced to return home to the United States because his health was failing. He arrived in New York on the same ocean liner that was returning Teddy Roosevelt home from an African safari. There he saw a huge crowd at the dock waiting to give Roosevelt a grand reception. As the missionary watched the hubbub and commotion and heard the accolades and cheers of the crowd, he began to feel both envious and sorry for himself. He arrived alone. There was no one to greet him. In a fit of despair he prayed, "Lord, I've given my life to serve You as a missionary and now not a soul welcomes me home." Hearing the pain and sorrow of His servant, our gracious Father replied, "My dear child, you're not home yet!"

I want so much to remember everyday the real and true reason why I decided to join BVS. It was not out of a desire to be recognized and rewarded for the work that I do, but rather for the simple need to be a part of something greater than myself. To help others, as cliched as that may sound, was the core of what I perceived a year of service in BVS would be. What I wanted it to be. When we devote our lives to serving others, we should all strive to remember that earthly praise and glory are pithy in comparison to what lies ahead.

In regards to our lives in general, I think of how easy it is to forget that when we are surrounded by others who are praised and thanked constantly for the work that they do, and you cannot begin to fathom why this is when you do just as much. I could never understand why some people seemingly have all the luck in the world when others have to struggle incessantly for every last inch of forward ground. A few years ago, I recall crying to my mother and saying that I felt like one of the latter kinds of people. I was so physically and emotionally tired and it seemed as though I was always facing one hardship after another. There never was an end in sight, or so I thought at the time. Being the voice of wisdom that she is, she reminded me of the story of the missionary that she used to tell me many years ago... another lifetime ago. You're not home yet.

No, I'm not home yet. I can clearly bring to mind all of the hardships and struggles that I have overcome in my life, and it has only been in the last few years that I can appreciate how much better of a person I am for these experiences. How fitted I am to do the work that I do, because of the things I have been through myself. It was for a reason after all.

I never thought that mentoring women offenders would be easy. Far from it. Little did I know just how emotionally taxing it would be, however. I have stepped so far out of my comfort zone into a territory previously left uncharted. How can I describe the way I have felt these past nine months? For some time, I envisioned my life and this new experience as one who has been wandering down an ostensibly long and immeasurable, dusty road. On my shoulders were all of the burdens that I had to bear, and each time one of the women shared some painful, yet sacred part of themselves, one more burden would be placed upon my stooped shoulders. My heart was filled to the brim with all of the distress and suffering of these women, that I was just waiting for my heart to burst from the inside out. Other times, it felt as though my heart had fallen to the ground, and I did not think I would ever have the strength to pick it back up again. So many times have I had to feign happiness so others couldn't see the sadness that penetrated the very core of my being. How horribly sad it is to feel so weary at 23.

I wanted to change the way in which I viewed these experiences. I've been thinking for awhile about the story of the missionary who worked so long for others and came home to a shore void of human thanks and praise. I am truly beginning to realize that it does not matter who on this earth recognizes us for the work that we do. I have never done something solely for validation and credit from other people. I never have, and I never will. It feels good, no doubt about it, but it really only provides a fleeting kind of happiness. The more I see this, the more I feel elated. My heart grows wings. The world is boundless, and I am flying close to the ground. The whisper of grass blades beneath my feet exist to remind me that I am moving towards something over the horizon that is infinitely beautiful and good. I'm not home yet.

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This past weekend Laura, Ben, Anne, and I traveled to Pittsburgh for Annual Conference. What a beautiful city! I fell in love with it instantly. It was my first time going to Annual Conference, but I hope it won't be my last. I didn't know what to expect, but I really did enjoy my time there.
In between insight sessions and worship services, we all found things to do. We explored the city and Ben even ran a 5k race where he came in 3rd!!!! Mind you, the people who came in 1st/2nd are seasoned veterans of this race. He is such an amazing runner.
I was so happy for Laura as well. She has been waiting so long to finally see someone again, and when she finally saw this person, her happiness was so pervasive that one couldn't help but to be happy too.

Whoa!!!!! This is a long post.

A friend always,
Katie